(the) Jebbica

In Jebbica’s world, it snows every Friday, rendering all weekend plans out-of-the-question.  But such is life. Thanks to the weather, my weekend did not quite play out the way I had planned.  If you will remember, I had had an extremely busy weekend scheduled, and none of my plans accounted for Valentine’s Day.  So, I thought if any of it was going to get the shove out of my calendar, it was going to have to be the Pure Romance party.  I’ve never actually been to one of those, despite having been invited to them since I was sixteen years old.  Something always comes up (no pun intended), or I chicken out at the last minute.  I’m not quite sure why something like that would make me nervous, since every time I get around a group of women, that sort of thing seems to be all we ever talk about!  They say that men think about sex every six seconds.  If that is true, then women must think about it every two.  I’d say my group of friends is pretty evenly distributed between males and females.  When I’m around my guy friends, we talk about religion, music, philosophy, politics, and sometimes video games and comic books.  When I’m around my girl friends, we talk about boys, sex, vibrators, tampons, and “grooming” (ahem).  It’s not that these women don’t have more to them than that, but what is it that makes it such a hot topic for discussion?  Perhaps we just all want to know that what we’re doing or not doing is normal, or are we just curious about things we are too scared to try ourselves?  Or maybe we’ve all just watched too much Sex and the City, and we think of ourselves as the redneck version.  Instead of cosmopolitans and Jimmy Choos, we’re sipping sweet tea and buying $6.99 heels from Rugged Wearhouse.  Where they are teasing men, we are teasing our hair. 

Thankfully, there will always be another Pure Romance party, and I will refrain from saying if there is anything I’d like to look for or try, especially since the notorious box of sex toys only comes out at parties and when we think it might be funny to embarrass someone. (We broke in my sister’s new boyfriend by chasing him around the house with The Emperor the first time we met him.  Surprisingly, he didn’t run for the hills. Now that’s love.)

Friday’s plans to see a chick flick with the girls in my family also didn’t pan out thanks to the snow.  By Saturday it had melted, and thanks to the lovely and talented Rachel, The Boyfriend and I decided to check out a house that was listed for sale on a website she had sent to me.  Almost immediately I found a decent house for almost nothing.  It was about 30 minutes outside of where we live now, but for that price, I would move anywhere.  Most of the homes I have seen at this price are generally burn-outs or old as the hills and would cost a FORTUNE to fix up.  So, I was super-excited to find this house that seemed to be in decent shape…it even had new windows and hardwood flooring.  It just needed some TLC, some fresh paint, and a little elbow grease.  After inspecting it in person, it was just as decent as it seemed in the photos.  So, we called the realtor, whose number was listed on the front door. This house is also listed on several websites, saying it was just posted on 1/31/10.  The realtor informed us that it had already been sold.  Of course it had.  I don’t know why we think we’re going to get lucky with anything.  I would have lived with the fact that there was a kennel across the road, because it was listed for FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, and it wasn’t a shack.  But such is life.

The rest of the weekend was spent going to The Village to see Husky Burnett, a Rock Band party at a friend’s house, and enjoying birthday cake-eating festivities for my sister.

By the time we were able to slip into our PJs, we were exhausted (read: hungover)!  So, most of our Valentine’s Day was spent sleeping.  We did nothing with each other that was romantic, and I didn’t get the first flower, card, piece of candy, or jewelry.  Maybe I will today, since it’s all been marked down to half-price.  Not that I need it, since I am trying to tackle this healthy eating plan head-on, despite that slice of cake and deep fried Twinkie I ate this weekend!  I’m back on track today, and while it seems easy to stay on task, I know it will only be a matter of time before I fizzle out again and tire of salads, grilled chicken, soup, and sandwiches.  I’m keeping my “fat jeans”, the ones I used to only wear while on the rag and now cannot button, on hand as a motivator.  I can do this! Err…right?

It’s no shock to any of you who read this website that I like saving money. It’s definitely become a game for both The Boyfriend and me, even a way for us to keep the spark alive. After all, isn’t there saying that goes, “those who save together, stay together?”  We tend to get lucky a lot on this front, whether we’re shopping at thrift stores or close-out shops.  And unlike a lot of hipster-y types, who I guess might consider us their unusual cousins, at least regarding tastes in music and cinema, we don’t shop at thrift stores to find stuff that looks like it came from a thrift store. No, our joy comes from finding an Oscar de la Renta coat with the tags on it hiding in the “Fill a Bag for a Dollar” table. Or the Louis Vuitton bag that costs $3.99, and then upon online comparison, you discover that it’s the real deal and originally sold for $27,000.  Now, that’s not to say we’re brand whores, because honestly, neither of us could give a rat’s ass about that. It’s about knowing we can get the same thing that someone paid an arm and a leg for for almost nothing.  It’s about finding something of high quality for less money than something of lower quality.  It’s about knowing that even though we make almost nothing, we don’t have to always feel like do. And that’s romantic.

And it was that zeal that brought us to Rugged Wearhouse, again, last week.  Rugged Wearhouse is a store similar to ROSS or Marshall’s, but there are only stores in the South, and I often find much nicer clothes for much cheaper than similar stores.  For instance, a couple of months ago The Boyfriend and I visited a little hole-in-the-wall shop in Chattanooga called Leo Handmade Gallery.  I loved the stuff in Leo…the artwork, the fashion, the accessories, all of it.  But from what I could tell, the people who shopped in Leo were aiming for the whole “I look like I buy my clothes from the guy who lives at Bench Four Market Street, Under Tree, USA.” And yet, the total costs for this sort of look are entirely and utterly out of my price range.  That’s not to say I wouldn’t go back in there and have a shopping spree in the unlikely event that I ever have unlimited amounts of funds at my disposal sometime in the future.  But alas, $40 is way too much to pay for a screen-printed tee, and so the only item that left with me from Leo was a set of hand-designed bobby pins.  And I could talk all day about why I don’t really think American Apparel is all that great.  (The hipsters just disowned me as their zany cousin after reading that, I’m sure.)

But stop in a Rugged Wearhouse, and you are often bound to get lucky and find something that one of these types of stores will sell for a much higher price.  And that is how I was able to afford this hand-made screen-printed shirt:

But, it wasn’t just this shirt, it was FOUR of this shirt. And an additional two, in red.

BECAUSE AT RUGGED WEARHOUSE, THIS SHIRT WAS A DOLLAR.

And that is why I spend exponential amounts of time and chunks of my paycheck at Rugged Wearhouse.  Also, because The Boyfriend is addicted to the Jean Paul Damage and Lucky denim he can buy for $7 a pair.  So back to where I was originally going with this story…here we were, and I thought it might be time for me to get a pair or two of new jeans, since The Holidays had not helped in my quest to drop a few dress sizes and instead decided I needed extra ones instead.  So, I pick out two pairs of jeans in a size I thought would be way too big, but comfy, for me.

I couldn’t get them buttoned.

Frustrated, I return the jeans to their hangers and put the outfit I had been wearing back on: denim tights, flats, a blue miniskirt, and a long, flowing yellow blouse (or maybe it was a dress, but I wasn’t sure, so I heeded the CYA rule and added the skirt last minute), and flats.  I looked in the full-length mirror.  I had worn that outfit all day, and lack of matching aside, I had felt like I looked nice in it.  I had felt pretty all day.  But the girl looking back at me from the mirror wasn’t Jessica or even Jebbica, it was…an ostrich.

A chicken-legged, small-headed, round-middled ostrich.

As I departed from the store, with nothing but a $2.99 pair of pink plaid Converse All-Star knockoffs and a retro $6.99 pair of 4″ heels, I could feel the tears falling down my face.  When did this happen? And how could I let it get so bad?  It wasn’t so long ago, after all, that I used to have to eat everyone out of house and home to keep from losing weight.  I’m tall for a girl, and even at 107 lbs I was never a size 0, but I was always very thin, and I hated it.  I didn’t want to be a beanpole, I wanted womanly curves. And now I have them, with the addition of a belly that makes me look like Octomom’s protege.

And I just can’t let this escalate any further.

So, starting last week, there will be no more Philly Cheese Steak subs and Killer Potatoes during my work lunch. And no more making excuses not to exercise. This is the genesis of a new me, and therefore this blog will hopefully reflect that.  I’ve changed my diet. Today, I  got all my hair whacked off.  I’m about to engage in a game of “Just Dance” on the Wii.  To be the Jebbica I want to be on the inside, I feel it’s only logical to change myself into the Jebbica I want to be on the outside.  Hopefully confidence and strength will follow.  I need inspiration, and I hope to provide some, as well. So, if you are even remotely going through some of the same things as I am, please feel free to chime in, and perhaps we can work on this together!  I need someone to hold me accountable for this.   Are you in?

So, you’ve probably seen those articles in Men’s/Women’s Health Magazine called “Eat This, Not That”.  I try to pay attention to what they say, and some things have really been helpful.  Remember the salmon at Outback Steakhouse, anyone?  However, in my journey for a healthier life (I’m at Day #18 and still going strong!), I have come up with a few of my own substitutions I thought I would share:

1. McDonald’s Iced Mocha–I love these, but at 280 calories and 12 grams of fat, I think I can do better!  Try their sugar-free vanilla iced latte with nonfat milk instead; it’s still really good and has only 50 calories!
2. A Butterfinger Sonic blast–a large one has 924 calories and 37 grams of fat!  If you’re out and must have ice cream, I’d try McDonald’s ice cream cone: it has only 150 calories and bonus: right now it’s only $0.59!
3. Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit: one has 440 calories and 24 grams of fat, but an “egg McMuffin” from ALDI has only 210 calories and 6 grams of fat.
4. A slice of Chicken Bacon BBQ pizza from Papa John’s has 220 calories and 8 grams of fat, but a homemade spinach thin crust pizza has less than 100 calories per slice.
5. Ranch dressing: we don’t eat this in our house anyway because it has mayonnaise in it, but once upon a time I liked it on certain things.  Eating a lot of ranch dressing and mayo is never good for you! However, we got some fat free sour cream and some ranch dressing mix powder, and voila! Instant veggie dip!

I am finding out more and more the things I can eat that are delicious while being nutritious, and I am absolutely loving it!  The best part is, if I really want something that’s not-so-good for me, I can still have it.  We went to Long John Silver’s the other day, and instead of having my usual 2 pieces of fish, hushpuppies, and crunchies in malt vinegar, I had one piece of fish, one hushpuppy, and the mixed vegetable side and stayed within the 400 calorie range.  Also, I am trying things I have never tried before or wouldn’t usually try, such as hummus, tofu, flat breads, and tons and tons of black bean pico de gallo and spinach.  I literally eat the last two things on everything.  So here’s to another hopefully successful 18 days; I hope some of these have inspired you as well!