(the) Jebbica

Any time my neck of the woods makes national headlines, it’s always for something horrible.  More than likely, when I tell people I’m from Small Town, North Georgia, they generally have no idea where it is.  Such was the case when meeting lots of people from all over American on our high school senior band trip to Disney World.  But when we said, “hey, did you hear about the Noble Crematory Scandal? That’s less than ten minutes away from our school.”  Every single person was like, “oh yeah!  Oh….”

I’ve had to describe my place of residency as “10 minutes from the Noble Crematory Scandal” for years now.  Don’t know that one?  How about the famed Battle of Chickamauga, the most significant defeat by the South on the Union?  Well, that’s where I work! And no, we’re still not over it.  Most people ’round these parts still totally think we’re gonna RISE AGIYUN!

But now, I can describe my whereabouts as being “where that drunk four-year-old in a dress was stealing neighborhood Christmas presents.”

“He runs away trying to find his father,” [April Wright said of her 4-year-old son, Hayden]. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”

The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer.

Wright said, “He got it out of my father’s cooler in the back and how he got it open I don’t understand because it was one of those tab beers.”

But it doesn’t stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor’s house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts.  One was a girl’s brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him.

If this were happening in a movie, I’d probably laugh. And maybe if it was something I’d heard on national news about a place far from here, I might grimace at how sad it was, but probably still smile a little.  But this is here in my back yard, and it’s horrible.  I don’t have any children of my own, but I know what they can be capable of.  My three-year-old nephew, Zeke, was just at my house yesterday, and he totally succeeded in tackling me, making my head thwack against the kitchen tile and then kicked me right in the lady parts.  A couple of visits ago, he locked us out of the house.  Children are smart, and they’re going to get into stuff.  And what they see grown-ups do, that’s what they are going to do.  I mean, if you tell a child, “Don’t say shit!”, what’s he going to say?  So, does the blame lie with Hayden’s mother, who is only 21 and not too far from being a child herself?  The story said she had “childproof” locks on the doors, so it seemed she was taking some sort of precaution.  This is a child who is going to have to have therapy and a lot of it, maybe for the rest of his life.  I would love some more insight on this.  Thoughts? Comments?

So, if you ever need to look me up, I’m thirty minutes from the drunk four-year-old in a dress.  Also, have you seen Squidbillies?  I’m pretty sure that’s my town.

See, who needs Mapquest?

This morning I had a lovely photo shoot with Scarlett Photo at the Mayor’s Mansion Inn in Chattanooga.  They had a pin-up girl theme in mind, so in honor of Bettie Page, I decided to give it a go and try it out.  While I’m still awkward and should really just stick to headshots, I found that the 1950’s housewife look might really just be my forte.  It’s been way too long since my last photo shoot, and I was extremely nervous. However, there’s a hair modeling gig in January I’m really hoping to land, so I needed some practice.  Modeling, even if it’s not for a big agency and it’s just for yourself, can be a great way to boost those confidence levels and get you out of your comfort zone.  I’m extremely shy and have a really hard time meeting girls to befriend, and connecting with the local Chattanooga network of models and photographers has really opened me up to making new friends. It’s also opened me up to meeting some real creeps, but that’s another story!

If you’re a girl, you might want to consider joining Model Mayhem and grab a girlfriend and go on a shoot or two.  You have to be extremely careful, but it can definitely be rewarding.  Short or tall, thick or thin, white or black or whatever, there’s pretty much a different genre for all types of women, and the people you encounter modeling can be some of the best people you meet!  And believe me, I am a horrible model.  I’m about as flexible as a concrete block.  But for a couple of hours, I get to feel pretty.  And after all, isn’t that the way every woman should feel?

*Pictures from today’s shoot will go up on this blog soon!

[digg-reddit-me]These photos are from a recent bust of a prostitution ring in Chattanooga.  I have to admit, these are some of the loveliest women I have ever seen. *cough*

If you’re from the Chattanooga area and you’ve ever driven down Rossville Boulevard, then you have probably seen some of these women working the streets. I remember going to pick out a fireplace with my grandmother one time and we wound up on 23rd street, and one of them was shaking her hips “seductively” at us.  We immediately got tested following our outing.

What really gets me is, Chattanoogans actually PAID to have sex with these women?!  And here I have been spending so much time primping and preening just to get some for free.  I can see now that I have been going about this TOTALLY wrong.

Check out the entire gallery of hotties below: each one more handsome than the last. Two of these “women” are actually men; can you guess which two?

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