Marital Aids: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (NSFW)
12 Feb
Dildos
Ahh, the one I have been putting off because quite frankly, the idea of a full-blown dildo kind of scares the crap out of me. And actually getting one was even worse. First of all, after The Boyfriend stopped being mad at me for having this stuff at all, he took this one out and stuck it to his head and ran around with it on like some kind of X-rated unicorn. He also likes to break it out when company’s around (as in “hey Mom, wanna see Jessica’s box of dildos? Why don’t you take this one home with you?”). I can see that there would be something emasculating about having a rubber penis in the house. And maybe I don’t notice so much when I’m in the heat of the moment, but this thing looks so scary and big! However, the Emperor is my winner for this category for a number of reasons. One, it’s called the Emperor. Two, it’s not just a faux penis; it’s a suction-cupped vibrating penis. So, you’re not just inserting. You can anchor it on the wall for doggy-style fun. You can stick it to the floor. You can stick it to your head and be an X-rated unicorn. The possibilities are endless!
The Emperor is 6.25″ long and is 1.75″ thick. Yes, it’s frightening. But just like a real guy, you don’t want to just start getting it on. You want to get to know it first. Believe me, first thing you’ll want to do is wash it. When it first arrived, my entire office smelled like that weird new rubber smell for like two weeks! But give it time, and you will learn to love the Emperor. And it will love you…in the most pleasurable way possible.
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You can also use a website like http://www.morgasms.co.uk/vibrators where you can design your own vibrator you can select what features you would like to see in a vibrator including length, girth, rabbit ears, vibration mode and much more and Morgasms will filter out automatically the best vibrator suited for you!
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You write so energetically about all of these products. It sounds like you could be a sales rep. I don’t see anything in here for men though. What’s up with that? Maybe we want a pink bunny rabbit balls massager.
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Jebbica Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@MoonDog, not a sales rep…just like to share stuff that might be helpful to someone. I really don’t know what I would share in the nature of stuff for men…blow-up dolls? Pocket P*ssies? But for guys wanting to buy something more intimate for their gals, I think I have you covered!
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You misunderstood – I wasn’t suggesting you were a sales rep, I meant you could be based on how passionately you wrote about the products. Sounds like you are the voice of authority too.
No Valentine in my life unfortunately. Sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?
Great post!
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Jebbica Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
@MoonDog, I wrote about them passionately? Try with a flushed face throughout the whole thing!
As for authority, I’m not so sure. But this is the internet, so we can pretend I am, right?
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hanks for sharing your blog with all of us, very imformative.
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Really good read, nice to read a good blog at last!
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joe is cute but nick is HOT i like nick j more than you so put it in a jucie box and suck it
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Hi there I like your Work
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