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If you are ever considering going to the Comedy Catch and Giggles Grill on Brainerd Road in Chattanooga, TN, let me just save you about $50 by telling you: don’t. There are much more entertaining things to do for your money, trust me. I don’t care if the ghost of George Carlin is giving a performance; if that’s ever the case, just stand outside the door and wait with a garbage bag. George will tell you that the bag is less of a dump.
Sunday night I went to see “World Famous Comedian and Hypnotist” Gary Conrad. I get invitations to these kinds of things all the time, but I rarely wind up going. But because it was a G-rated, family-friendly show, I thought it might be nice to check it out and have some good wholesome Sunday afternoon fun with family and friends. Also, Mr. Conrad was very nice, and I was desperate to get out of the house.
I was allowed to have a total party of ten join me for free, as long as everyone bought two drinks while there. I assumed there would be no alcohol served since it was Sunday, so I looked it up for my cheapskate entourage and discovered that Coca Cola was $1.25, so we should be able to manage not having to spend more than $5 apiece, if we tipped 100%. So, thinking we were all going to have something free and cheap to do, the most interesting of my associates wound up along for the ride. Let me describe them to you:
The Boyfriend–In general, I can take him out in public with me. As long as he isn’t acting like a total know-it-all or a rude cheapo. He was both this day.
The Boyfriend’s Mother, “Shiny Vest”–Showed up in a silver bedazzled vest and furry boots, cussing about all the “damn kids” that were there.
Shiny Vest’s boyfriend, “Santa Bigot”–Long white beard, hates Jews, black people, women, liberals, Mexicans, gay people…was wearing a Dead Prez shirt that featured a hand shooting a bird that read: “Revolutionary but Gangsta”. When the boyfriend and I remarked that we liked Dead Prez, Santa Bigot replied, “Well, I’ve never actually heard their music, but I’m hoping one of these white people will see ‘Dead Prez’ and make the connection.” Um….
The Metal Head–Our good friend, who loves quoting Slipknot and Mudvayne at every given opportunity.
The Best Friend–The most normal out of the bunch (besides me), but has been in a two-week sour mood because his last 10 or so girlfriends have cheated on him.
I’m starting to think this was doomed from the beginning.
I think I could have managed to make all of these people behave themselves if the service at the Comedy Catch hadn’t been so horrible. Upon our arrival, I went in alone and told the ticket master that I was here for the show, my name was Jessica Wallin, and I was reserved for a party of ten.
“To what? To where?”
Me: looking at her incredulously. “Um…”
“I can’t hear you. What do you want?!”
“My name is Jessica Wallin…”
“And?!”
“Oh Jesus. I am supposed to have a table reserved for the 5:00 show?”
“Okay, did you buy the tickets, or did you win them?”
“Uh, neither? I’m here to review the show; Mr. Conrad invited me?”
(Scratches something down) “Okay, go that way.”
So, since I guess we didn’t pay for tickets, we were seated at the top half of the bar, at a tiny table that was supposed to seat all of us. I pulled out my camera to take photos for this review, and of course it was dead. (Editor’s note: Photos used are from the Comedy Catch website and Gary Conrad’s MySpace…this place is cleaned up for these pictures).
The comedian told me that there was a two-drink minimum. The beer flyer said there was a $3 minimum. And the menu said there was a $5 minimum. First of all, I think if you win tickets or are reviewing something, there shouldn’t be a minimum purchase, period. Secondly, if there are contradicting minimums and the customer points it out, the customer is always right. However, we had the waitress from Hell, and manners didn’t apply to her. She asked what did we want. The boyfriend said he didn’t know yet, and she goes, “You don’t know?”, like imitating his voice as she mocked him. The best friend ordered coffee, which came out cold. Portion sizes were laughable (the only thing at the Comedy Catch that was!).
The show finally started, and Mr. Conrad tried to hypnotize the audience. Since we were all crammed at a table for two, we gave up on participating, or mass injury would have surely ensued. I couldn’t see anything, anyway. The hypnotist asked for one volunteer from each table to come up. Shiny Vest volunteered for our table. She made her way to the spotlight and: instant disco ball! Little flecks of bedazzled light spun around the room. Shiny Vest, on the other hand, could not see a thing, so she was up there with her hands over her eyes and refused to participate.
She got kicked off the stage. She didn’t let anyone forget it though; she shot all the children a bird like a classy grown-up ought to.
About that time, I started drinking. I mean, it’s kind of hard to get into a show that doesn’t involve anyone you know. Watching a bunch of fat dudes and children act like chickens is about as entertaining as talking to the ticket master. Eventually though, I was feeling pretty good–until the boyfriend sat down on my toe with his chair leg and wouldn’t move because he didn’t know why I was screaming! Thanks Comedy Catch, for putting us at such a small table. My toe still hurts.
We still left our waitress a sizable tip, even though she was the worst waitress in the history of mankind. If you’ve ever waited tables before, then you probably know about server etiquette and how it’s not polite to take the money off the table before your party leaves. It’s also necessary to ask if the person wants change back, no matter how little the leftover is. Guess what Waitress from Hell didn’t do?
Overall, I’m giving the comedian a B for his effort, but my party is on probation until further notice, and the Comedy Catch gets a big fat F. They should really be ashamed of themselves and their service. There were definitely no LOLs on this endeavor!
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Actually the show was alright if you were a pre-teen or younger. Warning: Most early afternoon shows at the Comedy Catch geared for families are boring to most adults.
And I don’t really hate all women. Just feminists/liberals, foolish females and FUTSLUTS (fat, ugly, tattoed sluts).
Also, I don’t hate all negroids. Just those that act like the (N) word. Mexicans are o.k. as long as they stay in Mexico. Homosexuals who commit homosexual acts are worthy of death according to the Holy Scriptures so go argue with YAHWEH. Jews are the children of Satan (John 8:44-45) so see previous sentence.
If that makes me a bigot, so be it! (=:)
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@ S.B.: In my opinion, that totally makes you a bigot! But this is also America, and you have the right to say and think whatever you want to say, just like I do. So while I’ll have to agree to disagree on this one, go ahead and speak your mind…who knows how long we’ll still have that right!
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Let me just make sure that I understand what you are saying. A person that believes in the Holy Scriptures is a bigot? Hhhmm. So that means that the people who wrote it were bigots, right? And that means that the ENTITY who inspired the writers is a bigot? Be sure to point that out to HIM on Judgement Day.(=:)
Also, who would not be against a negroid acting like a (N word)? Even Professor Walter Williams and Bill Cosby speak our against them and they are both negroids. Are they bigots too?
I guess because I speak out against Caucasians who act like (WT words) that makes me a bigot too?
It is easy to go with the crowd and call outsiders names such as “bigot” because your crowd won’t point out your hypocrisy to you.
And speaking of the (N word). How ridiculous to use an euphanism when we all know what word our brain processes when we see or say “N word”.
BTW, this is all in fun. Names really don’t mean much to me.
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I could see someone reviewing a show getting in for free… but a party of 10? Wow, no wonder they didn’t show you much respect. lol Every experience I’ve had at the Comedy Catch has been good so far.
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Jebbica Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Amy, I would have never thought of bringing that many people and usually don’t for reviews, but that’s what was offered to me, and it was on a Sunday afternoon, I thought maybe they knew something I didn’t and that it would be a better atmosphere with a larger group. After all, the comedian wanted people to hypnotize!
That said, I just can’t help but feel that no matter what, no matter who, if you are in charge or are working for an establishment, you should treat people who come in to see you with respect! Word of mouth is the best advertisement, and good customer service goes a long way. This sentence, “Wow, no wonder they didn’t show you much respect.” just makes no sense to me. I’m sorry Amy, but I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree!
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I stumbled upon your site on accident and wanted to leave a couple of comments. Your description of the evening was pretty funny, probably funnier than the actual show. Santa Bigot chiming in just added to the humor. I also do agree with you on the service thing. Bad service can really sour what otherwise could have been a good evening. There are some things you can “get over” but poor service generally is hard to overcome.
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Hey! Good concept, but can this genuinely do the job?
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