(the) Jebbica

I am a damn good bargain hunter.

I can find the best things for the lowest prices, and that’s not necessarily a brag.  Lately, bargain hunting has become expensive.

It all started when I got the call saying I had gotten the job.  It’s one of the only jobs for which I wouldn’t have to wear a uniform, in a professional environment, and I have spent the last three years as a pajama blogger.  I needed a new wardrobe.

I’m not particularly like most women in that I’m not a name brand junkie.  Granted, if I have to choose between a pair of Wal-Mart pants and a pair of designer pants and they’re the same price, chances are I’ll go with the designer pants because they’re probably more well-made.  Why pay $12 for a new pair of Juicy Couture jeans from Rugged Wearhouse (my Achilles Heel!) when I can pay $5 for a new pair of Limited jeans? I’m pretty sure I’ll get my share of wear out of the Limited jeans, and hey! I can buy two pairs!

I set out with a specific blend of clothing in mind.  A few black, brown, and gray dress pants, capris, and skirts, that I could mix and match with different dressy tops.  So one day, the capris were half-off at Goodwill.  Usually I can’t find shit in Goodwill, but I have been suspiciously lucky as of late.  I found two pairs of black dressy name-brand capris, a black pinstriped pair, two khaki-colored dressy pairs, and a plaid pair.  Capris that would look cute with tights or hose and dress shoes.  $12 for six pairs of pants.  Then the pants went half-off.  I found about the same assortment: a couple of dark brown, a couple of black, a pinstriped, and a plaid.  $12 more.  But they also had a Luis Vuitton bag for $7 that looked nice, so I went ahead and splurged.  I had assumed it was fake, but when I got it home and looked it up, it was real and retailed for around $1500! So pretty good splurge, I’d say.  And yes, $7 on a pocketbook is a splurge to me.  I couldn’t imagine spending $1500 for one. I could buy a car for that. Then skirts went half-off. Got a black one, a pin-striped one, and two patterned ones.  $8.  Found another pair of long brown dress pants at Peebles that were really-well made, retailed at $58, bought them for $5. In addition to the couple of pairs of gouchos, capris, pants, and skirts I already owned, I was good on bottoms.

I tried to think about what people wore “in the office”.  Dressy button-ups and blouses, etc.  Attic Treasures, another thrift store, was selling button-ups for $0.25.  I bought THIRTY of them.  Granted, out of those 30, only about 10 of them fit.  But they were $0.25 apiece, and I wasn’t about to try on 30 shirts in the store.  I could give away or redonate the rest.  Meanwhile, while all of the tops and bottoms shopping was taking place, I was hunting for “dressy but comfortable” shoes.  $3 here, $4 there, $0.50 another place.  They’re not Jimmy Choos, but I found quite a few new pairs, Anne Klein, Steve Madden, nothing too worn or cheap.  Just fine for me.  Wound up with about 20 pairs of dress shoes.  Really, who needs that many?

Then I went to Rugged Wearhouse for undershirts and blouses.  And that is the place that has really got me!  In case you don’t know, Rugged Wearhouse is a store that sells new clothes that stores in the mall had leftover or couldn’t sell for whatever reason.  And they sell it for cheap.  They’ll have tank tops and cute shirts that came from Express, Urban Outfitters, etc. for $1.99.  But wait, the bras are on clearance for $2?  And they’re well-made supporting bras?!  That never happens!  Okay, I’ll buy…all of the ones in my size.  Panties are $1?  $100 and 40 bras and 20 pairs of panties later….  It is just impossible not to leave with a big bag of stuff from there.  I have been there at least 10 times in the past month, and left with a heavy sack and lighter wallet each time.  Blouses, Nikes marked down to $15, underwear, tank tops, socks, jeans.  And The Boyfriend is even worse there than I am, because he can find even more high-end stuff in the men’s section if he looks hard enough. Case-in-point:  most of the girls’ $7 jeans are from Old Navy.  The Boyfriend can get Jean Paul Damage (dah-mahhzjjjhh) jeans for $7.  Bags and bags of new clothes, and nowhere to put them.

THEN we discovered Shepherd’s Helper’s Thrift Store, in the town just outside ours.  They also get new stuff and sell it for cheap.  We bought two practically new bikes and a bike rack: total, $20.  They have a “fill a bag for a dollar” table (no!!).  Yesterday, they had a big bag of “new but damaged” items from Rue 21.  I figured if there was one or two things I could wear out of it, it would be worth it and my sister would like the rest.  After all, who cares if there’s a little tear where the tag is? That’s what Mighty Mend-it is for! As I am checking out and begging the cashier not to let me come in again, she says, “oh, did you see all the tights and jewelry and stuff that they sent over? Everything’s new and less than $1!  I. Bought. All of it.  On the bright side, Christmas for my sisters is covered!

At this point, The Boyfriend and I have an entire new wardrobe and have spent around $300, which is good by anyone’s standards.  I mean, nothing we have gotten looks shabby or “thrift store-y” because we both only seek out treasures.  But we only have a two bedroom duplex. Clothes are taking over!  Where will they go?  For the first time in years, I am having to set aside my own Goodwill donation bags, which is so hard for me because I get sentimental thinking about what I was doing when I wore that shirt in the eigth grade. And that is just sad.

New rule:  we are not going shopping anymore! We have stockpiles of enough health and beauty products and cleaning supplies (coupons!), food (ad matches), and clothing to get us through World War III.  If I go out again, someone please stage an intervention!  Oh, what’s that? The Boyfriend is wanting to go hit Lost and Found Baggage because they are selling brand new Macy’s towels for $2.50?

Shit.

Don’t you love when one family or person decides to open two separate businesses in one building?  Most of them around here are pretty uninteresting: Thrift Store and Country Cooking, Bookstore and Grocery, etc.

But every now and then, a joint business opens up that just makes you say, WTF?!

I thought Kenny’s Bible and Tire was bad, but that was nothing until I saw Prince & Sons Crematory and BBQ.

You kill ‘em, we’ll grill ‘em!

photo credit: me and the sysop

Christians give Jesus a bad name.

I have written about this at length in the past.  Christians can be some of the rudest, hateful people one can ever encounter.  For instance, how they behave in packs at restaurants.  How they think modern medicine is all a bunch of who do and The Word is the only road to recovery.  How they think Jesus can be turned into a redneck marketing scheme.  My latest beef? People with Jesus Fish on their cars.

Why do people who have Jesus Fish on their cars think that gives them a license to be a total asshole on the road?  Tell me it hasn’t happened to you.  Someone cuts you off. Someone slams on their brakes in front of you.  Someone leans out the window with their middle finger waving at you.  And, what’s that on the back of their car? A Jesus Fish!

Yesterday, The Boyfriend and I were on our way into the Wal-Mart to deposit my paycheck at the bank.  As we’re walking the parking lot from our car to the entrance, some car with a Jesus Fish and a J103 sticker starts backing out of its spot, not looking for people who might be walking by.  We were startled so we kind of jumped, and when we did, the woman driving the car saw us.  Instead of waiting for us to pass, she put her foot on the gas and literally tried to hit us!  Then, just as we jumped out of the way, she rolled down her window and shouted, “just so you know, you did NOT have the right-of-way!”

Um, lady. Pedestrians pretty much ALWAYS have the right-of-way.  You run over someone in a Wal-Mart parking lot, you’re probably going to jail. And Jesus won’t bail you out.

The thing most Christians seem to think (at least around here) is that because they go to church every Sunday, they’re protected, and therefore have license to act however they want.  Washed by the blood of the Lamb once, and I can lie, cheat, steal, and kill! There’ll still be a place for me in Heaven, hot dog!

And really.  This has nothing to do with Jesus, Christianity, or religion in general.  This has to do with people not realizing their actions have consequences.  And if you’re going to wear your faith on your sleeve, you should know that that makes you an instant representative for what you’re selling.  The same way if a man with an O’Reilly Auto Parts store shirt tried to run me over, I would immediately go to Auto Zone and buy something.  People are watching you.  Your actions are what will be the greatest witness to other people, and it could mean as much as someone accepting Jesus or someone renouncing Him.  So, if I were a Jesus Fish-toting zealot, I don’t think I’d want that on my conscience.  But I’m not a zealot, so what can I really say? Oh yeah, that I never do actually treat strangers with disrespect.  What has someone you’ve never met ever done to you, anyway?  Being rude takes too much energy, anyway; and people aren’t attractive when they frown.  Sorry for the rant, but in all honesty: when it comes to the end of your life, do you want to be known as the person who did what she could to make someone feel better about themselves, or do you want to be known as the curmudgeonly asshole who gave Jesus a bad name?